Lovemaking and the mortgage
Tony Parsons on 'free will' from 'As It Is' (American edition; page 98).
What would you say about choice?
When awakening happens, it is seen that there was never anyone there to achieve that awakening. It is also recognized that throughout the life apparently previously led, there was never a 'chooser' or a 'doer.' Everything that happened, from the tiniest nuance to what seemed to be the most major decision, could not have been any other way.
So there's no right or wrong way to do anything?
There is no longer any question of right or wrong at all. It is seen that the apparent separate entity is only a dreamed character in a novel that is being lived through by the divine energy, which is all there is. That apparent separate entity has certain predispositions and characteristics, and the choices are brought about by the conditioning and history of that lived character.
So what about free will?
There is no question of there being free will, simply because there is no one there in the first place who can have a will or make a choice. Ask yourself where do thoughts come from, and if you watch for some time you will see that they are not yours. They emerge, seemingly from nowhere, and rise up, have their time, and then recede to nothing. Their origin is not of your making.
So I might as well sit here and do nothing.
But in a way that is another apparent choice. You cannot help breathing, and you won't be able to do anything about getting up and walking out of this room. Everything is simply happening through you. There is tremendous relief when this realization is embraced all guilt falls away, there are no longer any regrets, and it is seen that you have been brought to sit here and hear this. All struggle can drop away, and the effort to make one's life work suddenly loses its attraction. To relax and let life flow opens one to another possibility.
But how do I pay the mortgage?
It need not be a problem. The way in which the body/mind functions simply continues. Nothing apparently changes, but everything is transformed. In spontaneous creativity, without fear can come a deep harmony with what is happening. But this always has to be a secondary consideration and is never guaranteed.
But how do I know what is right or wrong for me and my loved ones?
You will not know and neither have you ever known. Be open to the idea of living the rest of your life in chaos; give up not having to know anything anymore. It is wonderful. You can only follow what seems obvious for you. Your work, your relationships, etc., all have a certain characteristic about them, which is generated through you by consciousness. Your life story has happened exactly as it needed to it has been totally appropriate. That will continue and nothing you do will be right or wrong, it will simply be 'what is.' So relax and let it all happen because it will anyway. The relief is letting go of this apparent inner voice, which is telling you how you should act or be. Just drop it now, right here. It's a fallacy that simply gets in the way.
As far as loved ones are concerned, you can only live through what you understand. You have no responsibility in any way for anyone or anything. There is no one there, and there never has been anyone there who can take responsibility.
Are you saying that we have no responsibility for anything?
What do you think?
I think that I have been a participant in the creation of my daughter, and so I should help her to live in the world as best she can.
That's probably all you can do at this time, but how were you a participant in her creation?
I was her mother's lover, and it was my seed that joined with her egg to begin it all.
Who chose to make love to the mother?
I did, although it was probably mutual in those days (laughter).
Where did the thought come from to make love?
It was more like an urge.
What was it that instigated the urge within you?
When I think about it now, it seemed and still seems to emerge from nowhere in particular.
And so let's suggest please that the conception was totally beyond your will it simply happened.
So where was, and is, the urge first noticed?
A kind of vibration begins in my body, followed by the thought 'I would like to make love.'
Where does it originate?
I don't really know.
So who receives it and takes responsibility for it?
What part of you?
Well, my body and then my thought.
So which of those is you?
An amalgamation of those things.
So are you a mixture of different urges and thought?
It feels like that.
So what are you aware of right now?
Are you excitement?
No, it's okay, I've got it already.
I see I am that, which watches the excitement happening. [.]
[published with permission from the author].